The Eclectic Mix

Well, for you longtime readers out there, you’ll probably appreciate this post. I’m going to catch you up on some past issues. Maybe it’ll get you some closure…Or not.

First off, in the great FedEx/broken laptop debacle, these updates:

No, I still can’t absolutely guarantee FedEx will pay diddly-squat, but I finally got the manager here to agree to allow a replacement laptop to be ordered without money in her budget to do it. I took the quote for the replacement and plugged that into an updated FedEx claim, so now I sit back and wait to see which comes in first: the laptop or the check. The way Dell’s been lately, I’m almost leaning toward the check.

Now and update that’s an oldie but a goodie. Although the news hasn’t been all that good.

The Lathrops from Gig Harbor, Wash. have reappeared in my mailbox this week. For those who are new here’s the background: Apparently, one of this family of Lathrops in Gig Harbor, Washington has a Yahoo address that is similar to mine, but they have given out my address as theirs. So for a while, I was getting e-mails from the whole group, which while it made me feel wonderfully loved and included in their planning for family events, I decided was probably a breach of some ethical covenant. So I responded a few times, letting them know I wasn’t the Lathrop they were looking for, and eventually, they got the message and got address books updated. I haven’t heard from any of them for months.

Until today, that is.

One of their friends or family, who apparently lives in Connecticut, e-mailed the whole gang twice in the last 24 hours. Ah…Yet another Lathrop I need to have revise her address book…

Kim in Connecticut first informed everyone that they might need to change plans for she and “Sandy” coming out for an early Christmas next week. There were “issues” that the two of them needed to revise first.

Then, the second e-mail just probably broke everyone’s heart. Kim let everyone know she was still coming out next week. But that Sandy decided he needed “time to think things through” and was going to move out for a week or two, leaving Kim and “Lucky” on their own to go for walks together and share some ice cream in front of the fireplace.

She closed by telling all the Lathrops that she’s OK and is looking forward to coming out there.

But do I reply? And if so, do I start by saying I hope things will be okay between she and Sandy, but she really needs to check with the other Lathrops and get the right address? “Gee, I’m really sorry for you, but you’ve got the wrong guy…I’m not even a relative/friend…Oh, but next time I’m out in Gig Harbor, I’ve been invited by more than one of the Lathrops to join the gang for one of their get-togethers, so maybe I’ll see you there.”

I’m kinda thinking I’ll just delete them and ignore the whole thing.

I wonder what they’re serving for dinner at their early Christmas next week…

See you tomorrow.

After months of silence, thinking they’d forgotten about me, I received another message this morning from the Lathrops of Gig Harbor, Washington. This one, while not an invitation to anything, was a RIOT. And I just had to share.

The Front Fell Off

Now, our confused correspondents from the west didn’t bother to check to see if this was real or not…Fear not, dear readers (and Matt): I ran it through Snopes, and found that it is indeed a gag, from an Australian comedy team who created this bit in response to a real tanker incident in 1991.

The message that accompanies the e-mail says (assuming the video to be real) that it proves politicians to always be politicians.

But watch the video and prepare to laugh your ass off.

Enjoy!

Well, it’s been over a week since I last heard from the Lathrops of Gig Harbor, Washington. I honestly thought I’d finally gotten rid of them.

But alas, no.

This morning, I find another e-mail, from “Mom & Dad,” as follows:

Thanks for a great birthday and Easter celebration, and we enjoyed the visit and dinner. T’was lovely. Thought you might laugh a bit at this, in a time of extended winter-although I expect that fits with Pat’s idea of ideal weather.
—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Saturday, March 29, 2008 12:45 AM
Subject: FW: Mental Hospital

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU Hello and thank you for calling The Stat Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu: If
you are
obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up. This coming week is
National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done ….. Your turn)

Well, a fine bit of e-mail humor, I’d say, but geez, people, I thought you’d fixed this. So, in the spirit of today’s nearly national holiday, I put together a response (replying to all, as is their custom):

Dear Lathrops of Gig Harbor,

Up until now, I’ve been rather tolerant of your nice family e-mails and party invitations, but now you’ve stepped over the line.

As a mental illness sufferer, I am highly offended by this joke and feel it is in bad taste to mock my fellow schizophrenics this way. No I don’t! Yes, I do!

Please remove me from your mailing lists, and consider this your final warning.

Happy April Fools Day!

Paul

Obviously, I’m hoping they take this in the manner it was intended and don’t dispatch some latte-sipping west-coast hitman.

Here we go again. Another Friday in Lathropworld, and that means it’s time for the classifieds! Or actually classified since there really wasn’t much this week…

Dance or Ice Skating Competition Dresses – Two competition dresses–great for dance or ice skating. Ladie’s size 10/12. One red sequin, other is black sequin. Photos available. $125 each or both for $220. Could be used as prom dresses.
Laurie – 763xxxxxxx

I have just one question: Why on earth would anyone have dance or ice skating competition dresses?

——-

In the meantime, ponder this one.

I received yet another response last night from the Lathrops of Washington. The menu assignments are complete, and the time is set (2 p.m. Sunday, since Diane doesn’t even think about waking up until at least 11 a.m. on weekends). Keira is feeling better, so they’ll be there. And it’s a thumbs up on the plan to have the Easter egg hunt with eggs filled with leftover Halloween candy.

Denine sent a reply to all (a classy, if not hilarious touch to this whole story) to everyone last night talking about me and that she needs to fix “Mom and Dads” e-mail address list with Pat’s correct address.

Which she realized she didn’t have correct, either, evidenced by the last line of the paragraph. “Does anyone have her current address?”

The only truly funny part left now is that Pat has missed this whole thing. Hope she doesn’t miss the leftover candy.

Well, this time I got a response. This morning, in addition to another reply to all that is asking if it would be OK to bring Easter eggs filled with leftover Halloween candy (what kind of family is this???), I received an actual reply to me:

Sorry that you’ve received these e-mails. I know that my contacts are correct, but it looks like Mom and Dad’s are wrong since they start out these threads. I’ll check on that when I’m there this weekend. Thanks for being a good sport about it. We’ll have a good laugh about it, and if you’re ever out here, look us up.

Denine

I thought about responding, saying how much I’ll miss the planning and family news. But then I thought the better of it. That’s probably just being snarky.

Then, honest-to-God, not 5 minutes ago, as I started putting this post together, one more reply to all, from “Dan” (this family sure loves the D-names):

Keira came home yesterday from school and threw up. Hopefully we’ll all be well for the weekend party.

And we’ll bring the bread.

Dan

Lovely.