By: Dan Brown
Year: 2009
Genre: Mystery
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Ahh… Dan Brown. If you have ever read any of his books, you know that he is smarter than you and that he is always right. Brown knows everything about American history, Catholicism, the Bible and the Masons. What do you know? Yeah, not much and Brown wants to make sure you know that. Just incase you didn’t feel inferior while reading his novels, take a gander at the smug expression in his jacket photo. You’ll realize it’s true that Brown knows more than you.
In this book, we find hero Robert Langdon rushed to Washington, D.C. for an emergency speaking engagement. He is supposed to speak to a group at the Capitol building but is stopped short by a phone call and mysterious severed hand. We are taken on a fantastical romp through the hidden world of our nation’s capitol, stone masons and, of course, Christianity. Oh, yeah, I have you chomping at the bit, dying to know the plot of the book, right? Well, let me just let you down quickly: This was a stupid book.
The plot was so convoluted that I’m still not sure what it was about. Apparently some nutjob wants to bring down the entire United States government unless he uncovers some great, earth-shattering revelation in stone masonry all at the expense of destroying the life of the director of the Smithsonian who played a role in this nutjob’s life. Oh, and the Smithsonian director’s sister has found out the truth about God and that nutjob wants her dead and her research destroyed.
I read this book despite the fact that Brown 1) has an obvious agenda and 2) is a terrible writer. I truly believe the only reason he is so popular is that people love hidden messages and love hearing that our faith has secrets that have been kept from the common masses. His stuff is fiction and as far as I can tell his “facts” only share one side of a story where there are compelling facts to the contrary (want some fun? Head over to a seminary and say, “That Dan Brown! What a fantastic author who presents honest and actual facts about the bible and Christianity.”).
Let me tell you what I came out of this book with:
- Dan Brown hates Catholicism. Of course this was obvious from “The DaVinci Code.” As much “knowledge” that he claims to have about the bible, he really just knows what’s popular conspiracy theory, not biblical fact. He also does what really ticks me off: Catholics are Christians. He hates Catholics. So he hates all Christians. Considering that he is—with “incontrovertible” proof—able to deny the existence of God, I don’t think he looks to favorably on any one who does believe.
- I want to visit Washington, D.C. I’ve never been there and have always wanted to visit. Through Langdon’s late-night travels through D.C. and the semi-historical facts behind the buildings, I want to visit the city more than ever. As I was reading this paperweight, I kept looking up facts online and really want to see this amazing city.
- Dan Brown can’t write. Really. His solution for sharing past events? To have the person pause dramatically and remember the event or person. It was entertaining to visualize these scenes and the dramatic pauses that must have totally disrupted any conversation. Real people don’t talk or act like that. Brown doesn’t understand how people talk or interact with each other. He doesn’t understand how a good story is built.
- Dan Brown’s books don’t sell because they’re factual. They sell because they’re sensational and people love a good conspiracy.
So, I thought this was a stupid book. I gave it a low rating. Know what? I’ll probably read more of his junk. I believe I’ve read all of his books. They’re entertaining enough. I’ve noticed he has become more pompous, though, and that makes each successive book less entertaining and more stupid. We’ll see what he offers up in the future.
My rating: 2 out of 5 stars
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