It’s been about 15 months since I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I knew it was coming because, let’s face it, we’ve all been informed of the risk factors and you can check them all off with me, so I know it was pretty much self inflicted. But that isn’t an excuse.

But diabetes is the kind of disease that really becomes a defining factor in who you are…or at least how you live and eat. And damn, it’s hard.

Right after being diagnosed and having the first consultation with my dietitian, I stuck to a pretty tight diet and did everything I could to keep my carbs for the day below the target. Three months later, my blood glucose and A1C was coming down fast. By six months, things still looked good, and I thought I had this thing figured out.

But I’ll admit it: I eventually got sloppy and lazy. I’d figured out trade offs and foods to absolutely avoid, and I learned that I could have a high carb meal during a day and still not have my carbs for the day exceed my target. So I stopped logging meals. I stopped testing my blood glucose every day. I thought I had it understood and could keep it all under control in by tracking things in my head.

You can probably guess where things went from there.

Three months ago, my numbers were back up. So I started tracking again. I stuck more closely to my diet. And yet, I’m learning again: my numbers are adjusting a lot more slowly than I want them to.

And it’s frustrating.

I’ve read that your body changes over time as a diabetic. As the meds do their thing and your body gets used to the change in diet, your glucose and A1C numbers fluctuate and move differently than they did. No, that doesn’t necessarily mean that if I had stuck to my testing and diet that my numbers would have stayed the same. But it also doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t have gone up.

So, I’m trying harder. Cutting my daily carb allowance a little lower. Testing every other day. Generally trying to stay on top of it. And my blood glucose numbers are still higher than I want them to be. And I need to head in to the doctor soon for another round of tests to see where I am…

Damned struggle.