2016 Quick Candidate Profile – Lincoln Chafee

Finally, we’ve got a one-time Republican to counter the looks and general tone of Bernie Sanders (who I’m actually falling in love with, by the way). I mean, just look at that hairdo!

Enjoy this one, folks. Everything about this run is funny, so we’ll give it the tone it deserves.

Presented for your consideration, we have LIncoln Chafee, former governor of Rhode Island, a state that probably 75 percent of the public couldn’t locate even if they were told what states it’s next to. Thankfully, as governor of a mostly overlooked state, Chafee is also mostly overlooked, which apparently means that he needs to say some fairly crazy stuff to get attention.

And he did, which I guess proves the point.

First off, he announced that he’s running as a Democrat. Which is probably a shrewd move since he was at one time a liberal Republican (stop laughing!) and since he’d only have to debate a handful of other people instead of the twenty or so currently in the logjam that is the Republican list of hopefuls.

Meanwhile,in his campaign launch announcement earlier this week, Chafee told the world and the assembled collection of probably six or so reporters that he wanted to offer “bold” ideas. The top of which appears to be his desire for the United States to fully adopt the metric standard. And what’s even better was his reasoning given at the launch event: the rest of the world has done it, so why shouldn’t we? Oh, and it would be a gesture of goodwill to the world.

Because ISIS would tone things down considerably if we started measuring everything in centimeters, I guess.

Apparently, being governor of Rhode Island doesn’t involve a whole lot of heavy lifting and leads to a lot of crazy, outside-the-box thinking.

And buried somewhere in that lede is his plan to make the US “wage peace” internationally and strengthen the United Nations so it could better handle international conflict on its own.

Can someone please tell me just how the hell this dude got into the Republican party in the first place? Wait, I’ve just been handed this bulletin: he started out as a Republican and has drifted left until he finally passed entirely into the Democratic party just a couple of years ago. I’m sure the pitchforks and torches probably helped move him along.

So while we wish him the best of luck, I don’t think that anyone will be teaching our kids about centimeters and kilograms anytime soon.