Last Minute Save

I’ve been dreading writing for a couple of hours now. See, it’s All-Star Game night, which ought to be a national holiday, as far as I’m concerned. Honestly, it’s the only TV event of the year that I actually anxiously wait for and sit down to watch almost without fail.


So, at 7 this evening, I was perched in front of the TV, tuned into the big game, only to be impressed shortly thereafter by how quickly the game really was over.


See, the American League blew it early, spotting the National League five runs in the first inning. The NL tacked on three more in the fourth, and the AL never managed to hit much of anything. Add to that the fact that the Twins’ only representative, Joe Mauer, didn’t get in until the 8th and is only due up once (in the bottom of the 9th), and the end result is that I was about to write about how horribly the AL played and how the game was really disappointing.


But then, I checked in to write, and as I do on every visit, I go to clear out the spam comments that somehow got through the measures I’ve put in place to prevent them. There, waiting for me, as if placed like a sacrificial lamb on the pagan altar that is the blog, I found a gem.


The spammers who try to attack blogs are curious types: they’re almost always foreign, and at the very least, non-native English speakers. And they post some of the dumbest stuff. But this one rose to an entirely new level.


Take for instance this wonderful tidbit:

I’m wanting to reserve my own snarkiness for friends it has a tendency to incite rage from the general society of Westport! Cool Stuff in public areas Bathrooms: It’s so awesome when you attend the bathroom somewhere, and you can find SOMETHING cool in buying it that separates it through the average community bathroom.


Believe me, kids. I am not making this up. I don’t think there’s any chance in a million years that I’d write something that convoluted.


But really, apparently, we must all check out the bathrooms in the society of Westport. Though the people there are sensitive about snarky discussions of their public facilities. But really, they sound amazing! For instance, behold the hand dryers!

Those give dryer thingys in which just have got holes for your personal arms, and a person stick your hands in approximately your arms and slowly but surely pull these people out even though super-air blows about them and drys them!!


Put your personal arms in the holes of the dryer thingys and pull people out! What will science think of next? Perhaps automatic toilets that dispense reading material?

When everything is automated: Once I what food was in this lavatory where items that I failed to even know could be automatic, was! The toilet automatically re-covered itself that has a new document cover immediately after every utilize. Then you obtain up plus it just routinely flushes. Then, you just simply put the hand under the soap dispenser, and boom-soap!


You have no idea how much I’d like a new document cover on my toilet after every utilize. But I wish I could learn more about this boom-soap.


But I’m sure we’ve all gone into a public restroom and wished for a soundtrack, or perhaps even a language lesson:

When the restroom is trying to play great tunes, OR whenever they are educating you Real spanish (or even other dialect). In a number of Mexican places to eat, you can learn How to speak spanish words while about to the bathroom! Talk concerning multi-tasking…


I obviously don’t eat at Mexican restaurants. I had no idea I could get a Spanish lesson in the can after having an enchilada. I’ll have to start. To find reading material and receiving a Spanish lesson? How wonderfully civilized!


So finally, my spammer wraps it all off with this beauty:

Whatever it really is, cool arbitrary stuff in public bathrooms makes the experience additional enjoyable, plus, you be able to go tell all your friends concerning this to enable them to go around and look it over. Everyone bonds covering the surprise non-traditional rest room stuff.


Yes, I think we can all agree that we’ve covered a lot of surprise non-traditional rest room stuff. Yet, he or she also talks about the cool arbitrary stuff. What are we talking about now? I have no idea if the arm dryer that spits out people is surprise or arbitrary? Or the automatic re-covering toilet? Or the Spanish lesson? Oh well, apparently, I’m supposed to bond with others to discuss the surprise non-traditional rest room stuff. Perhaps they’ll help me figure out what that is, exactly.


Maybe some day, the automatic re-covering toilet can wrap itself in spam responses to blog posts. It might not teach us Spanish, but we’d still get a good laugh.


See you tomorrow.



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