Things You Can’t Make Up

In a day in politics where the headline turned out to be the product name Etch-A-Sketch, and the weather continues to be warmer and more unusual than ever before, it seems fitting that we take a look at some of the strange things going on in the world.

 

From work, I bring you another tale for this week–in fact, it’s a commonality that bewilders me about tickets that people e-mail in to us: I try contacting people three times over three days, and after that last contact attempt, I can close the ticket for unresponsiveness. Yet is astounds me that people consistently will then e-mail me within minutes of having their ticket closed to tell me that they still need help.

 

But the kicker for today was that one of those people, who e-mailed me five minutes after I closed their ticket, wrote in all caps, saying their “PROBLEM IS STILL NOT RESOLVED. PLEASE REOPEN!!!” I called their number to work on the problem, but there was no answer. So I looked online, and they were on our instant messenger. I sent a message asking if I could work on the problem now. No response. So I sent an e-mail asking them to call me so I could work on the problem. Two hours or so later, when I was leaving, I still had not heard back from them.

 

Needless to say, the ticket is still closed.

 

Moving on…

 

We can all breathe a sigh of relief: Chicago politics continues to be horribly corrupt, and yet, somehow, Chicago hasn’t fallen into some sort of abyss, and hasn’t seceded from the union. In their primary yesterday, a Democratic state lawmaker stands accused of accepting a bribe from a government informant, and he still won his primary with 76% of the vote.

 

Remember: this is the same primary election which saw Mitt Romney finally pull out his big win, only to have one of his advisors compare his campaign to an Etch-A-Sketch because “you can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.” Ah, Republican principles.

 

Of course, that comes just one day after Rick Santorum said “I don’t care what the unemployment rate’s going to be. Doesn’t matter to me. My campaign doesn’t hinge on unemployment rates and growth rates. It’s something more foundational that’s going on.”

 

My conclusion is that Republicans must have really small feet, because they sure do a great job of putting them in their mouths.

 

The NFL apparently isn’t immune from stupid people, either. Peyton Manning, released by Indianapolis, signs with Denver…Who already has a quarterback in Tim Tebow who proved to be better than anyone expected. But in the midst of that, we learned that teams are offering rewards for hurting players on other teams, and now a coach was suspended for that for an entire season. So the feel-good story of the league that is the New Orleans Saints becomes a huge joke because they had to sink to that level for no good reason.

 

So, to close this out, I give to you an over-the-top example of ballpark food: the $20, 3 pound fish sandwich. This reminds me only vaguely of the knockwurst I had in Indianapolis on my baseball trip: for $5, I got this huge sausage that was at least 2 inches in diameter, and had to be a foot long. On a bun, with sautéed onions, kraut, pickles and mayo on the bun, it took me nearly 2 hours to finish eating. I can’t imagine a sandwich this big…Not at a ballpark, anyway.

 

So there you go, the blogging equivalent of a clip show. Enjoy!

 

See you tomorrow.