Ladies and gentlemen, we here at Lathropworld are laying in supplies for the coming siege. We must be prepared, as best we can, for the dire days coming very soon. We have seen it on the news, know it’s going to be true, and refuse to be caught unprepared.


We are talking about the coming PEANUTPOCALYPSE. It was all over the news last week, impending shortages of peanuts, prices skyrocketing, the cost of peanut butter has been promised to explode.


Apparently, peanut farmers looked at the prices of peanuts and cotton before planting this year, and decided cotton was a better option. But then it was also a bad growing year across the south, and there is an anticipated shortage of peanuts coming. Retail prices of peanut butter has been predicted to rise by as much as 100%, and there is a point when even I am going to tell my family I won’t buy a little bit of peanut butter for eight bucks.


So at Costco this past weekend, in addition to the 60 frozen waffles, 12 boxes of Kleenex, eight boxes of pasta, 250 gummy vitamins, 6 pounds of ground beef, 10 pounds of chicken, 4 pounds of frozen broccoli, and 36 cups of chocolate pudding, I laid in a stock, just to see us through the horror that faces us. For $16, I got enough by my count to last us about four months, and I checked on the jars: they won’t go bad until December 2012. So suck that, Georgia. Hope your cotton got you better prices. Here’s one sucker you won’t get.


What choice or alternative is there? At least if cotton goes through a shortage, we have a wide array of man-made materials we can turn to for day-to-day clothing. I, for one, will happily wear spandex to work during a cotton shortage. Though silk boxers under spandex pants may ride up a bit…I’ll have to work on that one. Do they make tighty-whities in polyester? Have to check the Costco catalog…


The peanut shortage gives us pause here at Lathropworld: I think on any given day someone in the house has a peanut butter sandwich, or some peanut butter on toast or on celery, or in a cookie. I just hope to God that the Girl Scouts have already made enough sandwich cookies for next year, because I couldn’t stand buying a box for $3.50, only to find a pack of five cookies inside.


I know that I waffled a bit on joining Costco (HA! Waffles, get it?!?), and Jenni won’t let me forget it. (I saved $62 on just 8 of 19 items we bought this past weekend…I know: what the hell was I thinking?) But now it’s showing some practicality as well, as its gargantuan supplies finally pay off. I mean, I also got 200 dishwasher tabs for the price of 100! Just think about that! I may not need to buy dishwasher detergent for almost nine months!


What will I do with all of that extra time gained by not having to go to the store to buy it again during that time???


See you tomorrow.