Recaptioned: Royal Wedding Edition

It’s time for another edition of our Recaptioned segment: a chance for me to not really have to put much effort into a blog entry.

Since it was seemingly on everyone’s mind, we’ll give the focus this time to the royal wedding:

Breaking with tradition, Prince William takes time out from his busy wedding preparation to stop to direct traffic in London on the way to Westminster Abbey. No accidents were reported, however a Mini did nearly take out an 80-year-old pensioner as she tried to cross the street.

Rejecting Pippa’s screams of “don’t, it’s the worst mistake you’ll ever make, and I’m not going to let you go through with it,” Kate drags a reluctant Pippa into the church anyway. Besides, who the hell names their kid Pippa?

Despite reassuring Her Majesty the Queen that he had no intention of one-upping her outfit, the Archbishop is slated to be beheaded later this week.

We’re told that at the after-party, guests used the ring as target practice. On a deeper level, who really looks at this hat and says “That’s what I want to wear to the royal wedding!” Conclusive proof that royal inbreeding has gone too far.

Obama: “Nope, I didn’t get an invitation to the wedding either. But I hear it’s going to be on the TV in the office over there.”

Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone’s pointed this one out in the last 24 hours. But I just have to because it’s so priceless. I kind of hope there’s some way she can achieve the throne, just so that we can see what kind of horrific rule she brings upon the country. It’s the kiss that everyone’s waiting for…Millions of cameras are focused on this one moment, and in the shot everywhere is this look. Isn’t that look charmingly hate-filled?

So there you go, folks. Our take on the royal wedding. Enjoy your weekend!

See you tomorrow.